Beyond the Basics: How Mindful Self-Awareness Strengthens Relationships and Leadership
- 5 days ago
- 4 min read
What does it truly mean to be self-aware—and how can that awareness help us show up more fully in our personal and professional lives?
In our recent Beyond the Basics of Self-Awareness Mindful Lunch session, I had the pleasure of co-hosting a deep and meaningful discussion with Enneagram coach Tamara Kroeker, where we explored how mindful self-awareness—when practiced with compassion and curiosity—can shift the way we lead, relate, and grow.
We opened the session with a reflection on the body’s wisdom inspired by a poem by Martha Elliott. This served as a reminder that self-awareness isn’t a purely mental activity—it’s a full-bodied experience. It involves developing a friendly and curious orientation toward your body, your thoughts, and your emotional landscape.
Self-Awareness Begins with Knowing What You Need
Tamara shared her journey into self-awareness work—beginning with a childhood curiosity about how things work and evolving into a professional path that includes teaching, coaching, and launching her own company. Her story offered a powerful reminder that true self-awareness requires courage. It asks us to move through discomfort, emotional avoidance, and ego barriers in order to discover what we truly need—and how those needs tend to shape our behaviours and relationships.
She shared two helpful definitions of self-awareness: one technical and one personal. Her working definition focuses on recognizing and honoring your own needs and then observing what happens when those needs go unmet. This approach invites us to pause, feel, and listen to what’s happening in our inner world—not to fix or judge it, but to understand it.
Relational Self-Awareness: Beyond the Individual
Our conversation then expanded to explore how self-awareness impacts relationships—at home, at work, and in community. As Tam noted, many people can easily identify others' needs but struggle to name their own. That’s where relationality comes in: recognizing how we exist not just in ourselves but in relationship to others.
I offered a perspective from mindfulness practice, where we consider the corporeal self—our lived body—as a source of insight. Developing self-awareness means paying attention to how we feel in our own bodies, especially when interacting with others. This has direct implications for leadership, conflict resolution, and effective communication, especially in high-stakes environments.
Practice Makes Awareness Possible
Self-awareness is not a trait you’re either born with or not—it’s a skill that can be developed. In our discussion, Tam and I emphasized the importance of intentional practice, not just passive learning. This includes tools like:
Mindful journaling to track emotional patterns and triggers
Narrative work to reflect on the stories we tell ourselves
MBSR techniques to ground us in the present
The habit feedback loop (cues → cravings → responses → rewards)
The Enneagram, which offers insight into personality tendencies and relational dynamics
Self-awareness strengthens our emotional intelligence—our ability to name, manage, and respond to emotions in ourselves and others. Tam pointed out that language plays a big role here. Words like "self-awareness" or "emotional intelligence" carry different meanings depending on our lived experiences, so part of the work is exploring what these ideas mean for you.
Ask, Listen, Do: Self-Awareness in Community
One of the most powerful moments in our conversation came from a discussion on community engagement. A participant shared a lesson from accessibility training: instead of assuming what someone needs, we should ask. Tam called this the Platinum Rule: Do unto others as they would want done to them. In leadership and caregiving roles, asking rather than assuming creates space for genuine connection and empowerment.
This mindset also extends to community development. As we discussed, asking people what they need—then truly listening—leads to more meaningful action. This is self-awareness in practice: noticing your own biases, pausing before reacting, and making space for others to name their needs and experiences.
Building the Muscle for Hard Times
Toward the end of our session, we explored how self-awareness can be difficult to access during times of crisis. Tam shared that the more we practice self-awareness daily, the more it becomes a resilient muscle—something we can rely on when life feels overwhelming. Self-awareness does not eliminate hardship, but it strengthens our ability to respond with presence and choice rather than reactivity and fear.
As we closed, Tam led a brief meditation inviting participants to reflect on something they like about themselves—and to locate that quality within their body. It was a simple yet powerful reminder that self-awareness is not only about what we observe but also about what we appreciate.
Takeaways: Practicing Mindful Self-Awareness
Here are five takeaways you can reflect on or begin to apply today:
Notice your needs — not just your reactions.
Practice asking instead of assuming in both personal and professional relationships.
Use tools like journaling, meditation, and habit tracking to deepen your self-awareness.
Revisit your emotional vocabulary—what words help you describe your experience?
Remember that self-awareness is relational—we learn about ourselves through connection with others.
If you missed the live discussion, you can watch the full recording of “Beyond the Basics of Self-Awareness” here →
We also invite you to our upcoming one-day retreat, “Rooted and Real,” where we will explore these ideas through mindfulness, journaling, and guided practice.
About the Author
Patlee Creary, PhD, is a Workplace Mindfulness and MBSR Facilitator, conflict transformation specialist, writer, educator, and mother of two. She helps individuals and teams navigate stress, strengthen resilience, and build meaningful connections through mindfulness, storytelling, and emotional resilience.
As the founder of Reyou Mindfulness Collective, she creates transformative workshops, retreats, and corporate training programs that turn life’s challenges into opportunities for growth.
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